I Hope You Dance

The Lord your G-d is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17 (NIV)
The timing of receiving this Scripture is truly sweet and memorable. This past week was the 23rd month anniversary of Raquel's death and burial. It was an emotional one for me and a few members of my family.


There are a few songs that always remind me of her. One is "I Can Only Imagine" and the other is "I Hope You Dance." I rarely hear them anymore, except for significant dates. This week I heard them a few times randomly.

The first time was on the 8th and then followed by the 9th. When we chose "I Hope You Dance" for the picture montage we created after she died, we were expressing our sincerest prayers and desires for her life. On earth, of course, they never materialized. Whenever I hear that particular song now, all the memories of that time period flood my heart very powerfully. I'm not yet at a place where I can say it's a painfree experience. I don't think it can be...

The last few months have been rough for one reason or another. Various health issues, coupled with being in a new location that is far away from those I'm closest to, my dh working round the clock, etc. created an environment that was either ripe for growth or for spiritual decline. Thankfully, spiritual growth ensued.

G-d takes us to those places of deep hurt in order to heal and restore us. It sounds illogical to even write that but it's true. Much to my chagrin, I can't tell you that I face those places boldly, instead, I try my best to avoid them at all costs. I'm not at all like saints of old who accepted pain, hardship, and suffering because they knew how much it would grow their character and make them Messiah like. Yet, despite my lack of cooperation and because G-d loves me and He is faithful to complete the work He began in me, He allows situations to occur in order to allow the hidden, secret hurts that I've worked so hard to ignore or forget to surface. They can only be dealt with out in the open.

The last few months have been full of those moments. My fleshly tendency is to want to withdraw, and hide from His hand and what He is doing. My heart wants to run from anything challenging or difficult. Despite it all, He helped me walk through the fire. Slowly but surely I am working my way through the book called "The Release of the Spirit" by Watchmen Nee. It's not your typical "tickle your ear" fare. So far, it's been very persuasively reminding me that my flesh must be crucified in order for the spirit to live.

The Lord faithfully, and gently, brought me to a place of brokenness in order to heal and restore me. If you are going through a difficult season, be encouraged that in this.. It is only a season and the sweetness that follows is so worth the temporary pain of today.

On Wednesday, the 10th, the kids and I had discussed Raquel's passing and how much it still hurts each of us. Later that afternoon we were heading out to run an errand. On the way, my Ipod turned off and the radio came on and the song it was playing was "I Hope You Dance." Up until that point, I always associated the song with our wishes for Raquel but at that moment, it dawned on me that G-d was playing it for me. The One who knows my every tear and weakness was serenading me. I confess the tears just kept streaming down my face. When I listened to the words of the song, it seemed to address every one of the spoken/unspoken reasons I have for withdrawing. Yes, I know that isn't His will or plan for me. It just takes me a bit to get onboard with Him. What can I say, I need lots of prompting. That kiss from G-d was a huge blessing. He wants me to dance, live, face challenges courageously. It is possible but only in Him.

Two days later, He confirmed what I'd gathered from the song in a totally unexpected way. I received and read the Proverbs 31 encouragment called "When G-d Serenades You" by Micca Campbell. The Scripture I started out with isn't one I knew beforehand, but you can be sure, it will remain in my heart now. G-d never ceases to amaze me with the creative ways He uses to reach and teach me. I shouldn't be surprised He chose music as much as I love it.

I am so grateful His love and tendermercies are new every morning. Even though time continues to pass, G-d almighty gently and sweetly reminds me that He never leaves or forsakes any of us, even when we walk through the valley of the shadow of death.



p.s. It snowed in Valdosta, Georgia last night for the first time in twenty years, I believe. Isaiah 55 just keeps ringing in my ears.