Wisdom from the Lord

Below is an e-mail thread between Terry and a friend from a nutrition board. I am posting this because of the wisdom of the responses. Please read from the bottom up similar to the Blog. This thread outlines the emotions and struggles Terry has been working through.

Sharon wrote:

Oh, I am so relieved I could slide right off my chair and spend the rest of the night face down giving thanks for His mercy and lovingkindness...............



You may do whatever you wish with our letters, Terry, for they truly were of Him and I am so, so thankful and giving praise for your heart and love for Him.............

Oh, I'm so thrilled I have to run and tell Mark.....oh, I am so relieved and I can feel the burden lifted......I've not felt it lifted since this began......surely goodness and mercy shall follow us......

God Bless You, Terry.....and God Bless your darling husband and family.....please give them all our love.

Oh, I was telling Mark about this while doing dishes. He had viewed Raquel's website the other night and come into our room, tears flowing down his face, weeping. I've not seen him weep like that in years......but I was telling him of our letters and how it also was ministering to me and how amazed I was at what I was learning of the Lord and he said something like, "Oh, I'm so happy the Lord could use your gifts." And I shot back, "But He used a jackass." He belly-laughed and said, "Oh, why did I know you would say that..." ;)

Amen for that sense of fear that you had....again, more evidence of His protection for He is a jealous Father......

Love,
Sharon

On Thu, Mar 20, 2008 at 7:53 PM, Terry D wrote:

Sharon,

God bless you! Your love, words, TRUTH shared ministered to a deep place in my soul and spirit. You shed light on places I didn't understand and helped me tremendously.

I read the messages to Gary and he was so exccited. He wants with your permission and mine (not ready yet) to post these. He was in awe of you and your depth and your ability to concisely communicate deep truth and knowledge. He was literally praising God as I read through each message and had tears flowing freely down his precious face. He'd tried to tell me the same things but wasn't able to put it out as well. He keeps thanking G-d for the women in my life. I'm right there with Him.

We need to write something on Raquel's blog about suffering and it's purpose in our lives.

I actually rejoiced for the first time in days, maybe weeks, that my weakness and shortcomings right now have allowed me to truly appreciate the ONE who helped us walk in victory throughout everything else. Not that I'd doubted that at all but it drove the point home, painfully. Whenever anyone offered praises, it struck fear in my heart. I know exactly who I am without Him - NOTHING So now I am more at peace. I'm not comfortable in the limelight and that was part of what was bothering me.

Please receive my utmost and heartfelt gratitude. May He bless you with crowns in heaven.

Love,
Terry

Sharon wrote:

EXACTLY!!! Alleluia, He is protecting you. He said He would never leave us and He is there, but it turns out that when we 'see' the ways in which He is there, it is always very different than what our weak flesh would have willed.....

I would never want you to experience Him in this way, but He alone knows what is best. It is a different walk with Him right now, a suffering servant walking with Her Lord and Master but He is there, carrying you, carrying the burden, praying for you when you are drowning in silence that feels so overwhelming. I know this part of the persevering........and it is not, not, not anything I would have wanted you to know - to have had personal knowledge of how it feels and what it does......but that is my sinful, selfish, protector part that has no business playing god......

I continually find myself sinning saying, "Lord, please, spare her from this......", as if I have knowledge of His ways, sinful creature that I am.............

It is part of our sharing in His suffering of this world when we suffer as He suffered.....

......it is a part of our walk with Him because Sin entered the world. Let us never, ever forget it is not of His hand, but the evil one who would want us to forget what is Important.........

Gen 50;20 As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive.

2 Cor 1:5 For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ.

2 Tim 2:3 Suffer hardship with me, as a good soldier of Christ Jesus.

1 Peter 3:14 But even if you should suffer for the sake of righteousness, you are blessed. AND DO NOT FEAR THEIR INTIMIDATION, AND DO NOT BE TROUBLED,

And if He sent Raquel, just to show you this portion of how dear you are to Him that he would have you intimately know His suffering, then it is even more worthy of praise...........

For He is not intending you harm............

Do not rumble with Him, dearest..........for that isn't His intent for you to fight him, but instead, to grow further in the grace and knowledge of Him.........

What Can I Say?
Job 40: 1 Then the LORD said to Job,
2 "Will the faultfinder contend with the Almighty?
Let him who reproves God answer it."
3 Then Job answered the LORD and said,
4 "Behold, I am insignificant; what can I reply to You?
I lay my hand on my mouth.
5 "Once I have spoken, and I will not answer;
Even twice, and I will add nothing more."
God Questions Job
6 Then the LORD answered Job out of the storm and said,
7 "Now gird up your loins like a man;
I will ask you, and you instruct Me.
8 "Will you really annul My judgment?
Will you condemn Me that you may be justified?

Love,
Sharon

Sharon Wrote:

Amen!!! Let them be the only words on your lips.......I pray for Gary to protect you as our Savior is......

Go to the wilderness with your family and sing His praises.......

Let the children know He is doing a mighty work...............

1Chron 16:25 For great is the LORD, and greatly to be praised; He also is to be feared above all gods.

Love,
Sharon


On Thu, Mar 20, 2008 at 5:09 PM, Terry D wrote:

p.s. I printed this so I can recite these Scriptures and make them my thoughts!

Terry wrote:

Bless you, Sharon E for pouring truth into my soul, for understanding the emptiness and void, the anger and for helping me understand what is taking place inside and around me. I think you are the first and only person to point out the Lord’s protection over me through my numbness/anger and emptiness.

There is a battle going on in my soul right now and it will determine many things. Pray for victory. Please.

Love,
Terry

p.s. Hallmark could never come close to choosing transparent and real words to describe our hearts. I think they are the ones who write the smarmy sayings on church billboards and signs.


Sharon wrote:

The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. 1 Thess 4:13

Why are you so downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hopein God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. Psa 43:5

....a time to mourn and a time to dance... Eccl 3:1-4

You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. Psalm 30:11-12

You'd said, "When I read about what God has done through us, it all seems so empty to me."

Amen. As it should. Do not take that the emptiness as having meaning that YOU are falling apart. I see that emptiness as the Lord protecting you from being puffed up and vain. Better you should feel empty about this lest you are tempted to somehow think YOU have done something.

May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, an I to the world. Gal 6:14

Let him who boasts boast in the Lord. 2 Cor 10:17

Do not look inward. You will find nothing there, Terry. The Word tells us over and over our hearts and minds are corrupt, defiled and filthy but that it is His wisdom in which we should rejoice and it is His works that we should give thanks and praise. Even in this, He is protecting you, showering His grace and mercy over you. Fear the day, dear heart, that you would ever hear self-praise or receive messages of "good works" as if they have anything to do with you - or have feelings of accomplishment because that would be coming from the flesh....

May the Lord cut off all flattering lips and every boastful tongue that says, "We will triumph with our tongues; we own our lips - who is our master?" Psalm 12:3

This is not about us. This is all about Him. His will be done.........and that is something that I know will spark a fire in your heart..........

You had Hope while Raquel yet lived. Every breath she took, you had Hope that it meant something - that it meant God would do His miracle, or that God would Bless, or that God would Show Them Those Unbelievers. Was that sin? No. But there was a goal....a connectedness to Him that was extremely powerful and energizing. I know the "feelings", the adrenaline of Going To Battle, but after every battle, there is a calm, a lull, and a worn-out, weary warrior.........

There was Victory, but right now, rest will restore your soul. Accept the rest and the nothingness that you feel. Accept the anger which is the flesh lashing out at the empty void. But rest in Him.........

Humbly and with Trembling (because you know, Hallmark just didn't say what I wanted to say....)
Sharon

Terry wrote:

Sharon,

Thank you. I really do know that she was healed but my selfish heart, yes my selfish heart, was shocked to let her go. It really is all the other, peripheral things that are knocking me down right now. The very fact that they don’t let up not even for a moment, leaves me feeling overwhelmed and angry. My daughter is with HIM. She will never go hungry or be sad, confused, alone or lost. That is so beautiful to me. The fact that she won’t ever again suffer, comforts me tremendously. The fact I’m not there with her is agonizing. I was blessed to have a child who will never knowingly sin or rebel against her Maker. Helps me greatly. It’s the living here on earth that is unbearable for me right now.

Yesterday, my son asked me if God would give us another child even if we didn’t pray for one. I asked him if he would be willing to go through the pain of another sick baby or even their death, if God so chose. He said, “yes.” His faith and confidence blew me away. I’m sitting here afraid of ever having to go through that circumstance again and my son is hoping God will smile on us again and give us another baby. Oy veh!

I love you and know in my spirit you are right. It’s my flesh who is rebelling and angry. It’s just one more reminder how far short I fall and how little I resemble my Lord and Savior.

Terry


On Thu, Mar 20, 2008 at 12:51 PM, Terry D wrote:

Dear Sharon,

You so clearly identify with my heart and ache. While I didn't do the traditional "shiva" externally, my heart did. Shiva means 7. Please get up. I can't impart any wise words or comfort as I have none to offer. But, it's time for you to "get up."

Sharon wrote:

Dearest Terry,

I am now up. Still weeping......bowed down......bearing your burden......I want to take it on..... I wish I could take it all from you...........

The only thing I know beyond a shadow of a doubt is that Raquel has been healed. And I know beyond a doubt that it is the type of healing that is the only healing that matters. I've speculated in my own mind - done all the "What If" she had lived but oh, the suffering that was ahead of her. The operations and procedures when in reality, it would have result in probably the same result. Her death. But your goal for her would not have changed. Because I know your goal these past months, would have remained the same goal over the next however many years. It would always have been the goal that she would come to know and Lord Her Savior so that she might have the gift of eternal life and bring honor and praise to His name, glorifying Him.

She has done that. She has persevered. She has won the race.

And for that, we can rejoice.

I've erased far more than the contents of this letter - clumsily writing scenarios about What Ifs, and stories of how I pleaded with Him to "spare her".....

But spare her from.......what?

Spare her from being with Him, to live a life here of suffering?

Our lives are but a blink of a star. You will all be together before you even know it and you will have eternity............

If we truly know Him as Lord and Savior, this life is a life about suffering. This life in Him is upside-down from the world's wisdom which says that as we go through life, we should be blessed, happy, at rest, at peace. But we are not the world's, but His and He has told us that we are born for trouble as surely as sparks fly upward. Peter expressed amazement that people were so surprised by the fiery trials.

Jesus wept.

We weep.

He was merciful to Raquel, because His name is mercy.

His purpose is never our purpose.

But truly, she is healed. Breathe that in to your spirit. She is healed. Raise your hands and give Him praise, for she IS healed. Give him thanks that in his infinite mercy and wisdom that is beyond our understanding, beyond the pain, beyond the anger, we are the ones to be mourned.....

This is the eternal perspective which is the only one that matters............

She lives.

Love,
Sharon



Terry D wrote 3/20/2008

Dear Sharon,

You so clearly identify with my heart and ache. While I didn’t do the traditional “shiva” externally, my heart did. Shiva means 7. Please get up. I can’t impart any wise words or comfort as I have none to offer. But, it’s time for you to “get up.”

Just yesterday I read through Gary’s blog for the first time. Couldn’t bring myself to do it beforehand, nor can I muster the Godly strength to pour my heart out for all to read either. Honestly, I’m embroiled in too much pain, loss, anger to write anything edifying anyway.

I wish I was truly worthy of the comments people are making about me. Lately, I feel (I know we aren't supposed to go by our feelings) like I'm falling apart, internally. I have such anger towards Abba, and others. When I read about what God has done through us, it all seems so empty to me. Whatever strength and grace I had during the pregnancy, birth, 10 days, burial and memorial I feel has left me. I'm just weary, tired and it seems as nothing can change that. Believe me, I feebly call out to God but all I hear his silence. Can't keep the eternal perspective in my mind.

Want to lash out at those who wounded and disappointed me because of their weaknesses, frailties, instead of finding a way to forgive like I have done before. Can't believe the amount of pain God purposefully allowed me to endure and continues to do so. I'm sick, again, third time in three weeks. This time it's a sinus infection, I believe.

Sharon, there is such bitterness of heart, I can't see straight. People tell me anger is part of the grieving process but honestly I don't know.

I could go on and on but suffice it to say, I NEVER once doubted that God would heal my daughter on earth or else give us the strength we needed to walk through this horrible illness with her. That suffering I was prepared for but having her go home to heaven was not.

Please know how much I appreciate your sensitivity and love.

Terry

From: Sharon E

Sent: Wednesday, March 19, 2008 11:11 PM
To: Terry D
Subject: Re: FW: Updated Raquel Web Blog

What I mean is, tell me to "get up".

Sharon


On Wed, Mar 19, 2008 at 11:10 PM, Sharon E wrote:

Terry....

I am holding Shiva...........my own Christian version. I don't think I have done it well, but I have done it. I didn't know I was doing it. I don't know if that makes sense. I was talking with a friend tonight about it....about not being able yet to look at the blog....and about the picture of Raquel I had kept, but couldn't write about. She said I was doing Shiva. I hope that makes sense. So much more to say but I can't. Just know that you are all constantly in my prayer.......

Love,
Sharon