Six Months

It's sprinkling out here in Canton and I welcome every blessed drop that falls. This day marks the six month anniversary of Raquel's death. Hard to believe she would be six months now. We miss her so much.


So much has taken place over the last several months. We ran the Peachtree, attended the March of Dimes fundraiser in Alabama, went on a family vacation, and starting home schooling for the 08-09 year.

Wish I'd written updates about each event as they occurred but I never got around to it. That's o.k. I'm sure I can still recall the highlights.

The Peachtree Road Race was excruciating for me. I never knew how demanding the actual race was until I did it. The heat and hills alone were enough to wear me out but added to that was the emotional and spiritual aspect of it.

The race paralleled my spiritual walk. Like most of my endeavors, I started out strong in the beginning. Was excited to be there to celebrate my daughter's short life. We actually jogged the first three miles but then at the midpoint, the runner's adrenaline was gone and I had to "will" myself to continue.

By this time, it was exceedingly hot as we didn't get to start until 9:00 a.m. - being in the last row. I began having really bad heartburn (changed my diet that week to prepare for the race and like everything else we did to train, initially, did it wrong). I honestly didn't know what it was and I let fear creep in and steal my joy.

I recall a man standing outside of a bar inviting us to enjoy a drink from his beer can. He happily reminded us that it didn't really matter as we'd already lost the race. Distinctly remember thinking it was like a jab directly from the enemy. He, too, often reminds us that we aren't perfect, continue to sin so why not just give in and quit trying to live Godly lives. ?

Fear kept me from jogging anymore so it took even longer to finish but yes, we all finished the race. In fact, we completed it almost half an hour sooner than we'd planned.

When I crossed the finish line I was glad it was over but very upset that I'd allowed anything to steal my joy in participating and even completing the race. Thankfully, I focused on the fact that with Messiah, I did actually finish in spite of the fact that my training began two weeks after my c-section and that I had never really been a runner until now.

Several friends met us and fed our famished bodies with great treats, fresh and cold water. They also poured out great encouragement. They were also kind enough to walk with us until we found a Starbuck's and indulged in a milky treat to replenish lost electrolytes.

When I got home, I asked the Lord why He didn't answer any of my prayers for an easier race like cooler weather, etc. He gently reminded me that it was His desire to show me I could persevere through any obstacle by His grace and with His help. I understood but I didn't exactly like it. My desire is and has always been for an easier path - a smooth road. Never realized how unlike Messiah my heartfelt desires have been. I want all of God's promises but none of the suffering the Bible mentions happens while we are in the world.

Thank you to Gary, Kristi and Michael for indulging and finishing this race with me. I couldn't have made it without your support, training help and your accountability.

p.s. After I began this post, it poured and we enjoyed God's light show. Thank you, Abba for weeping with me on this anniversary.