Clarity

This morning I watched the you tube video for the first time in months.

Until this morning whenever I watched the video it served only to bring back the heart wrenching pain.

Only someone who has experienced similar circumstances can really understand those feelings. Feeling as if your very soul is being ripped out of you. We, the loved ones left behind, die a little as well. The loved one has moved on, and yet your soul is forever changed. You are forever left with a void that, as we have heard so many times before, only the Lord can fill.

In my earlier posts I wrote that while in the midst of the trial in the hospital I was covered with a supernatural spiritual covering. The prayers of the saints were tangible and real as never before. As the weeks and months wore on I felt that veil of peace leave me as I wrestled with the grief of the loss. Like most, my family struggled with "why", "why us", "why didnt you save her" and so on. We struggled with whether this was all just a waste because after all this passes, Raquel will be forgotten and we too will just be some of the walking wounded who have lost a love one.

We, the clay in the potter's hands, were screaming at the potter for making our little pot Raquel this way, only to destroy the pot anyways. Not so. The potter had a distinct purpose for HIS (not ours) little pot named Raquel Elise.

The purpose of those events continue to come into clarity. We continue to see how the Lord used those days, that terrible pain, to remove what has clouded my and my wife's vision for years....self. We see how our circumstances, our walk through the trial, our walk through the grief, continues to minister to others. These events taught us empathy and gave us a more eternal perspective of life. We know others going through trials of their own and we now know how to pray and how to serve them.

The Lord IS Good and is in control. Take a look at the picture at the top of this post. I envisioned what happened to us as a pebble being dropped into a still small pond. The concentric ripples representing the lives of our families and friends being touched by this event. However, as more time passed the Lord has shown me that the impact is far greater. Beneath the surface of the pond lies the real treasure, the kingdom of G-d. The impacts of these events are eternal and far reaching. We cannot see the Lord's entire purpose but we trust that it is good. Praise be to the Lord G-d of Israel.