Dear Raquel,
I'm writing you another letter to share a few thoughts and questions. Although three years have passed since your birth (almost), it can still feel like it was just yesterday.
Life mercifully keeps me quite busy so I don't needlessly spend my time dwelling on painful thoughts and memories but on certain anniversaries, I do reflect on your short time with us. You would be turning three if all had been well. In a perfect world, I can imagine you talking, laughing, running, and teasing your siblings. I can see you trying to be just like Soohia and asking her to teach you to knit or crochet or perhaps how to draw.
Instead, though, I must picture you in heaven. It still isn't easy. Yet, there isnt a sweeter, better place for you. Do you sing with angels? Do you get held by Abba or Yeshua? Are you fully grown or are you growing up according to earth's time? What do you look like? What are your strengths? Are you like us in temperament?
Sophia just walked in after making you a card. She asked me if thought anyone else remembered you or if others had forgotten you. Yes, others remember you and our experience. She is weeping. Nathaniel is working on a card for you, too. This is Sophia's poem for you this year:
Birthday Wish
If I could make a wish
I would wish you were here.
If I could I would build a tower
Or staircase
All the way to heaven.
If I could I would ask G-d
To give you a letter saying "hi,"
But since I can't, I'll just say Happy Birthday
And Goodbye!
As you can see, we all love and miss you dearly. Selfishly, we wish you were physically with us. Be patient, we will understand all someday. For now, please know that we still ache when we think of you, our little heavenly lamb.
Love,
Mom
Third Birthday!
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I know that nearly two months have passed since this post, but I wanted you to know that I have continued to think of you and your family. As you may remember my son Caleb was born March 5 2008- and is the same age that your Raquel would be now. For me the two events are tied together. I can remember feeling so blessed holding Caleb and so guilty all at once. Since then Robert and I have been blessed with a third son who truly is a little ray of sunshine when I have needed one most.... but please know I think of you often
Kendrick Family
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